The Real Deal on Stress and Fertility

Telling someone to chill and it'll all work out is never helpful, in any situation. But understanding how stress impacts fertility is still important. In a 2018 review in the journal Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, researchers found that reducing stress may indeed improve success. "Studies have shown a massive impact of psychological interventions on pregnancy rates", says study co-author Alice Domar, PhD, the Chief Compassion Officer (can we make this more of a regular thing?) at Inception Fertility and an associate professor of obstetrics, gynaecology and reproductive biology at Harvard Medical School in Boston. Throughout decades of research, Domar has found that when women experiencing infertility participate in cognitive behavioural therapy and mind-body interventions (like meditation), they are two to three times more likely to get pregnant compared to women who don't.

What's often most effective for infertility patients, says Domar, is a stress-management strategy known as cognitive restructuring. If you're constantly spiralling through negative thoughts—"The infertility is all my fault"—Domar suggests challenging that inner narrative. "For example, if a woman says, 'I'll never have a baby', I would ask, 'Well, if that's true, why are you putting yourself through IVF and spending all this money?'" says Domar. "Clearly, this person has hope. So instead of thinking, 'I'll never have a baby', you could think to yourself, 'I'm doing everything I can to try to have a baby'". Or tap into gratitude: "I'm thankful to feel ready to be a mother whenever and however it happens".

When your sister-in-law announces her third pregnancy before you've had your first, you need people who can understand why the seemingly joyous news has you in tears and don't just tell you to brush it off. "Your very best friends or closest family members may not be the best to help you through this", says Hutner. "People can have very well-meaning friends, but then sometimes those well-meaning friends get pregnant, which can be hard". Look for those who can provide judgement-free validation. Crawford adds that if you're not finding the right support within your network or through like-minded online communities (and, TBH, even if you are), therapy may be a good option.

Between peeing on ovulation tests, checking your temperature and overthinking every little sign and symptom, "when you're trying to get pregnant, you can't escape constant interaction with your body", says Hutner. "When our body isn't doing what we want it to do, that can be very painful and perplexing. I encourage my patients to do anything they can to continue to connect with their body in a positive way". This could look like keeping up with your existing workout routine, trying a new kind of physical activity, getting a massage if your budget allows or doing body-scan meditations.

The key is to find ways to honour and support your body in whatever it needs in this moment. After all, it might not be just yours forever.